3 min read · Jun 30, 2022
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Ask a question when you begin a conversation with someone, pay attention to their answer, and then ask them two follow-up questions in the same manner.
Why this works and why it takes three tries is psychological. It’s known as The Rule of Three which has been demonstrated to be more persuasive due to how human brain processes information. 3-question rule is about fundamental demonstration of respect. By asking questions, you show the person you meet that you care and are engaged in the conversation.
According to a Harvard study published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, asking a question, followed by two questions based on the answer, can make you a more likable conversationalist.
- You are seen as being more responsive when you inquire more frequently. As a result, you can show greater involvement and that you care by asking follow-up questions that are specifically related to a person’s responses.
- The other person feels heard, appreciated, and grateful for your presence when you do this. You can develop meaningful connections with people by having conversations in this way.
- It saves you from awkward small talk and makes relationship-building seem less time- and effort-consuming.
- We talk to people to find out what they know — their facts, preferences, ideas, emotions, and feelings — and to share what we know while managing how other people see us. Therefore, asking questions expresses sentiments and feelings better rather than facts and figures.
- Practice with everyone you come across, on the bus, in a restaurant, at work, in your classroom or at a party.
- Do not ask accusatory questions. The social experience is undermined by questions like why did you do that, or what the heck were you thinking.
- Let them answer. Be calm and let them speak, even if you already know the answer before they have finished their thought.
- Try not to turn the conversation back on yourself unless you’re responding to someone else’s questions.
- Listen closely and base your follow-up questions on what’s said. The key is to ask meaningful follow-up questions to reflect careful listening.
- Don’t ask a question to just bring up a topic that you want to talk about.
- One of the rules’ unintended advantages is that when you ask someone 3 questions and if in that time they haven’t asked you a question back, then it is a sign that they are not interested and you can leave without wasting your time.
3-Question Rule has changed the way I socially interact with people. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
When you meet someone for the first time, whether it’s on a date, at a party or a work event, ask them three questions!
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